My decision to train for the Houston Marathon (FINALLY) this year had two major goals. The first was to get in shape enough to be a runner and get involved in an event I’d only daydreamed about for years. The second was to raise money for charity and be a part of the giving community again.

My past volunteering

I’ve missed having more flexibility in my life. I was in a class & a campus organization that required volunteer work & that started me down the path of volunteering as much as possible. It helped smooth over my social-awkwardness and I (very) slowly became more confident. I also began volunteering at museums as a docent (at the Battleship Texas, I’d also help with restoration work, which was SO much fun and appealed to my inner ship & history nerd).

But closer to campus I loved making veggie chili for bake sales, building sets or props for haunted houses, designing signs for organizations, etc. I realized I was a lonely person who wanted to make some friends, and in the years since, that teamwork aspect grew on me.

I was a frustrated trained teacher without a classroom for years, so I’d feel some accomplishment doing these things, even if my wallet didn’t get much in it. Being a docent at least fulfilled my need to teach when I could and help kids. I needed that inner light that made me feel so many good things were possible. Life changes, however, and in 2018, my dad passed & I had to focus on keeping a roof over my own head and my ability to volunteer dried up. Then COVID put the nail in that coffin, because I was working constantly as an essential worker, anyway.

I was in better shape than a lot of folks when COVID hit (my inheritance helped me keep afloat). I saw how many folks were struggling with affording food for their families due to being out of work or the panic buying in the early lockdowns. The Houston Food Bank became a big one I donated to. I felt useless and at least my donation could help those in far worse shape.

The Challenge Today

Now I’m in the worst pinch myself financially, but still have that drive to do something. “Run for a Reason” went off like a lightbulb over my head, and I could get healthy in the process. It’s gonna be a whole different ball game this time, though.

I’m trying to start from scratch and fundraise individually. My old college groups are long gone and this is not the type of event they would have participated in anyway. It’s going to be a rough learning curve; networking has always intimidated the hell out of me. I have spent my life torn between hearing “just be grateful and don’t ask for more because you’ll sound greedy” to “you need to stand up for yourself and make your worth known.” Holding these two opposing ideas at the same time has paralyzed me, because what if folks say “no?”

We always say “the worst thing that can happen is someone says ‘no,’” but it still feels awful. I’d feel like a burden for even asking, and so I would cower and not bother asking, even if it was necessary.

This is a huge part of the un-learning I’ll have to do in the next 230-ish days.

I can’t afford to be afraid anymore, not if I want to make a difference and open up possibilities for others to do so. I’ve missed feeling like I can make a difference somehow. I am uncertain of my talents and never learned how to capitalize on what I could do. But one thing that my previous employers have always relied on and appreciated (the ones who stuck with me, anyway) was my ability to be positive and put people in a good mood.

So, why not use that somehow? I just have to learn how to be that positive me and engage with others about important things again. I’m out of practice because my previous jobs didn’t allow me the time to go for those deeper connections beyond a quick smile and a joke. I have to get comfortable again with other people and be willing to talk about the Houston Marathon and raising money for the Houston Food Bank.

Lots to learn, and I hope to evolve and improve over the coming months and years. I will also have to get on some social media more often and when I get my cameras working properly, eventually some milestone videos to share to show how dedicated I am toward the goal.

In the meantime, I’ll have to shout-out here (or if you’ve read this far, dear reader, a little push from you would be appreciated, too).

https://fundraisers.hakuapp.com/TexanTally