I backslid a bit on my commitment to becoming vegetarian recently. A huge part of it was being unprepared and not having my meals ready to go, or feeling lethargic and anemic and deciding that some meat absolutely needed to get into my body fast.

90% of it was DEFINITELY a lack of preparation. 10% was more like just a craving I let get out of control. I let myself indulge in impulsive cravings for fries, cookies, and meat, strangely enough.

But the past few days, I’ve felt nauseous after eating those things. I spent a good two weeks avoiding meat and fried foods entirely (a little bit of sugar still), and then had some this week. I grappled with the weakness I had, wondering why I would do such a thing to myself. And it wasn’t just fries, it was fries with chili and cheese and chicken tenders most days at work.

Yeah, they haven’t sat well with me. I enjoy them at first, but within half an hour, my stomach reminds me that it’s not just the cost of meat and processed food that was making me want to go vegetarian in the first place.

It’s probably the chili more than anything, because I rarely ever ate that stuff unless I made it from scratch, but it punctuated the point. Even when I didn’t have it, or the fries, the meals with meat just felt too heavy on my stomach.

And yet, the first few weeks of the month, I was doing fine. Even though I had a hard time eating enough and had to down some spoons of peanut butter before bed to stop the stomach growling at night, I was forced to remember that now, I just don’t get hungry like I used to. Strange that when I’m in the zone with training, I don’t want to eat for a long time after, but I know I have to eat something so the anemia doesn’t wreak havoc with me.

Last night I had enough money on me to get some soy and almond milk so I could make more smoothies or overnight oats (coffee was my biggest priority, admittedly). I think part of my relapse was running out of things I could eat at home. All I had was smoothies on hand and hadn’t had time to really focus on making lunches for myself. Or look for good vegetarian recipes I could make to stretch my staple food supply and not get bored.

And I was going to run low on smoothies pretty soon.

What I’m pleased with is after this dismal week of eating those fattening meals, I’m actually CRAVING veggies again. I used to just let myself fall down the rabbit hole of bad eating habits and resign myself to failing, but now my body is all about the change. My nausea at the idea of eating meat again tells me I’m making good decisions. And the ranch dressing? Yeah, I can’t do dairy anymore; just too painful.

That’s gonna make it SO much easier to go vegetarian this week again. My goal is to be fully vegetarian in August and have enough info to ensure I don’t get malnourished and some recipes under my belt to try. I still have some vegetarian Asian-food pouches and I’m about to make a bunch of rice to pair with them and put in the freezer for re-heat.

I thought it was just too much change at once going on with the exercise and the eating, but maybe it was the jolt my body and mind needed. I’m already anticipating the salad I’m going to enjoy at work today, and how it’ll feel waking up without all that heaviness of unhealthy food holding me back and making me want to be lazy.

Yeah, I had a good idea… time to get back to it.