I blame poverty and my recipe books for putting this idea into my head in the first place. I think it’s because my understanding of what vegetarianism is when contrasted to veganism just makes me wonder why the hell I should bother with the middle step for very long.

This past week, getting away from meat entirely has been hard, but necessary. I was actually starting to feel nauseous when I’d eat meat and dairy-laden dishes, so I stopped. My energy levels have been all over the place, though my sleep has been more productive (when I do get the chance to sleep) and I’m actually getting hungry more than once a day.

My initial plan was to take two months to make the transition to full on vegetarian, and then work on vegan and stick with it. I’ve tried to cut out dairy because it messes with my stomach pretty badly and I’m trying to avoid cheese specifically (as much as my taste buds love it, it definitely does NOT love me back). I do need to increase my carb counts a bit, but diary isn’t the type of thing that would help with the satiety; that’s where wheat tortillas and Triscuit crackers would be most likely.

It’s been a slog the past few days trying to find that comfort level with my hunger and all. I packed a huge bunch of food for a 10 hour shift and still didn’t eat all of it… but forgot that beans are “the musical fruit” for a reason. All those fresh veggies that were part of my bean salad wraps really made me gassy, and I had some major discomfort that made me wonder if it was gas or heartburn). Eventually with more water and time, the discomfort left me behind.

Now, I know I can’t go full-on vegan yet, mainly because I still have some mayo in the pantry, goat cheese in the freezer, and non-vegan protein powders on top of my fridge. I’m using my vegetarian recipe books as starting points; it’s probably the best way I can manage to do that and it won’t be such a shock to my system–again–when my diet changes even further.

But so many vegetarian dishes (especially breakfast items) have eggs as a good protein & cheese as a protein/flavor enhancement. I don’t have the money for cheese or eggs, and don’t want to buy more, when it comes down to it. I remember from old recipes that some substitutions won’t be so hard. Nutritional yeast can help me make my own “cheesy” sauce for certain recipes . Tofu can substitute for eggs as part of a bigger recipe, too. And thankfully my overnight oats with fruit preserves is still a good option (apparently most fruit pectins are vegan, just gotta be sure which brands are and don’t have a bunch of extra fillers).

I want to go more plant-based versus freezer-section vegan foods. The cost of those and utility made me averse to even trying them after a while. I can make my own at home, and still have my original seitan recipe (which I can make and freeze in batches, so that will help).

I just feel like getting rid of eggs, meat, and dairy ASAP is like ripping the bandage off instead of that slow painful pull. I guess I needed this “hell week” to figure out what it is I can manage and how things will shift. I am still pretty anemic and adjusting my vitamin intake to compensate as best I while I get more research under my belt and figure out what’s in all that I’m eating.

This is probably why the past week I haven’t exercised at all (in addition to the ever-changing schedule), which frustrated the hell out of me, but is a good thing because my boss is badly ill (just came back to work, too) and now I’m back to probably going into overtime this week.

But as long as I drink my water and pay attention to my body, I think I’ll be alright. Work will be slightly difficult because I am in a meat-eater’s paradise, but I can just order a large house salad, bring my own dressing, and have some side-snacks to round it out so I don’t get hungry again later. That might seem boring, but that’s one main meal taken care of (and will save me money because I won’t have to buy all the ingredients for basic salads at home).

So, this is going to be interesting. Just wish I realized sooner that this is where my kitchen was leading me all along.