I figured once I got past my initial problem of having zero energy, intense headaches and drowsiness, and no appetite, that I would be able to bounce back. But it’s just barely getting to that point.

I haven’t walked, jogged, or exercised at all in two weeks, and that’s alarming me for many reasons… not the least of which is throwing me so far off kilter on my training schedule that I’ll have to pray I don’t get sick again the rest of the year if I have a shred of hope of doing the marathon (and not collapsing before the finish line).

That’s what startled me so much about what happened. I knew others had gotten COVID and gotten over the quarantine at home, and then they came back to work, but the rest of us got the flu. I feel it was part stress, part not eating, and then partly the flu that made things so bad. I hadn’t had the flu in a while, so I forgot how bad it could get. Last Saturday I went from irritated with a headache to full on shakes, fever, no appetite, etc. Took me two days to get over the worst of that.

But I figured by the end of the week my energy would return and I’d be able to resume working out. Nope… after a couple days of feeling better, the sneezing and the chest congestion started. And that’s where my plans ground to a halt, because how the hell can I push myself if I can’t get enough air. I would’ve run the risk of getting even sicker, and my energy was slow to return.

I still have some congestion, but I’ll have to wait til after the weekend (and drink LOTS more water) to get things going. The stress has been a constant, especially after this disappointing week. I had my work hours cut in half and I’ve been fretting badly about how I’m supposed to pay my bills in the next few. It looks like I picked up a few more hours in a couple weeks, but only because someone in the crew is gonna be out of town (multiple closing nights are gonna be a pain and murder my sleep schedule).

I’ve spent the past 3 days at home trying to do some cleaning up and getting over this congestion while looking for new jobs. I’m convinced that I’m not gonna physically improve enough until I get a job that actually pays my bills, because otherwise the stress will continue to keep me sick. It’s a terrible thought that I’m doing this to myself, but it’s hard to avoid thinking about something like that when you are in a holding pattern and hoping for job interviews.

I’m wrestling with focusing only on what I can control and going online (and in person to the brick-and-mortar locations) to apply for jobs and get out of this mess. I fully intend to get back into intentional exercise this Sunday because I hope that by then, the chest will be cleared up better. And I have the day off, so I can start fresh and see how much improvement I will need to make in the coming months.

I’ve tried not to fall into despair, knowing that my illness has halted any progress I’ve tried to make. But I have to learn how to get back up on the horse and see what’s possible. I’ve given up when I’ve had difficulty in the past, and I don’t want to do that anymore… and literally can’t afford to.

This weekend is a disappointing slog already. I’m annoyed at my job and how I’ve been taken advantage of repeatedly, but I can’t afford to quit til I find a replacement. That’s where my stress comes from, and I need to center myself and just do the job to the best of my ability, keep away from my energy-drains, and make every plan for self-improvement while hoping for that phone call or text inviting me to an interview.

That’s my biggest hope for this weekend. I’m pounding the pavement for opportunities before my evening shift tomorrow, but otherwise, I’m just gonna do what’s expected of me and minimize stress wherever possible.