Anybody who has been on this site the past month has probably seen (or not seen) many turbulent things. I couldn’t post as often as I wanted because as soon as I came up with some clarity or focus, another monkey wrench would throw itself my way and I couldn’t figure out what to say. What did come out made no sense and I realized it was stress mixed with ADHD brain and a lack of sleep that just made coherence impossible.

Hell, for all I know I’m writing gibberish now. Less coffee, more actual meals and a sleep schedule in the future.

The state of my life thus far has forced me to make the absolutely necessary choice I didn’t want to make. I had to force myself to see the facts and that even if things turned around today, I still couldn’t afford to do it. Two days ago, I withdrew from the Houston Marathon for 2025 and the fundraiser. There is still some tweaking that needs to be done for the fundraising page to go away completely & to make sure I’m not on the hook for the pledge (that solidified the decision: I can barely pay for gas, let alone have enough to cover the pledged amount in January if I couldn’t raise more money).

It hurt more than it lightened the load because I still have many financial responsibilities I’m scrambling to take care of. The lofty goal I’d aimed for months ago is not going to happen. No Houston Marathon or volunteer work. I hoped that I would’ve physically progressed enough to be fitter & faster, that I would have found the ability to put myself out there as a fundraiser, even without family or friends to help.

I think my ambition, impatience, naivete, & ADHD brain all collided at once to go for this goal of joining the marathon this season, even though I’d never done a marathon before. I wanted to have a goal to help me get healthy and be safer, a more secure, confident person.

My disappointment lasted just a couple of hours, because I realized that’s not the ONLY goal I have to go for. Even when opportunities seem closed off, I have incredible possibility if I look around & try another direction.

So before shift yesterday, an old idea came into my mind. Years ago when I tried cycling, I had the idea of a virtual trip and mark my progress on a map and through distance markers. It was really a mileage goal & I was going to mark down where I landed when I stopped. It was tricky to keep up with, then getting chased by dogs made me stop.

I jumped on the site and started changing things. I removed the marathon related stuff like the countdown clock & Run for a Reason links (though I’d love to try again next season). I wanted to add a map to show my progress, even if it wasn’t interactive & just update with new screengrabs while keeping track on a timeline below it.

I planned out a virtual run across Texas. All on actual roads or paths, NOT machines.

I chose this method because I’m going to have to sell my elliptical (& long-term training on it isn’t the best when you’re long-distance running, & this will force me to actually work with the terrain. Also, the mapping is something I can look at and truly see progress. I can see that line on the map lengthening and the miles on the timeline adding up. Figures entered into a spreadsheet for basic data isn’t that inspiring to me.

The Texas Virtual Road Run is going along Interstate-10, so it starts in the NW wide corner of the state bordering New Mexico at the town of Anthony, then continue swooping South, then ESE all the way across the state to the other side of Orange where the bridge over the Sabine River (and entry to Louisiana) is.

It’s an 880 mile route, give or take a few.

I’m starting this goal tomorrow on Oct 1st, and it will go for a year. If I walked/jogged/ran every day (I gotta build up to running eventually), that’s approx. 2.41 miles. Most days I’m sure I’d have no problem walking that, even at the beginning. It would take little more than an hour. But if I built momentum, it wouldn’t be farfetched to pursue a new virtual run goal in the next 6 months, like maybe a north to south virtual run.

I had so much fun imagining what’s coming next & spent so long planning for it yesterday that I forgot to be nervous about my serving shift (it went well & my confidence grew). The lack of income doesn’t have to stop me entirely; I just have to adapt better and work with what is in front of me before I take the next steps.

I still have MANY worries and concerns, things that I can’t help right now even though they need resolving soon (even in part, but I have to find places/folks willing to buy my stuff), but dwelling on them isn’t helpful. I’m going to talk about this some more in my journal in a bit after I get some food. I must begin to prioritize my health again and actually eat, because I have some LONG shifts ahead of me & will need the energy for all those visitors we’re going to have at the grand re-opening this week.