218 days to train and today I was NOT feeling it physically (lateral line and foot pain like less-intense “growing pains”), but emotionally I wanted that training so badly to vent my frustration over the past 24 hours.

Yesterday’s shift started off kinda rough, then just got rougher as the night went on, and now today I feel like it’s gonna start rough again. I wasn’t meant to work today, but when someone has a family thing, I am not gonna let someone work 3 shifts in a row to compensate when I’m the only other option. I’m very tired right now, but hope I get that energy up before shift.

It occurred to me that I need some help with my managing position, because I could picture Jon Taffer yelling at me like during a stress test on Bar Rescue because I wasn’t acting as a manager. I started out the job as serving staff months ago, and when I see messes, I gravitate toward cleaning them up and making it easier on folks. We start running out of stuff? I’m one of the first to go to the back and wash things. Need help bussing because there’s a huge group that just sat down? That’s how I am.

But I stuck with those little cleaning tasks for too long and missed some broader-picture issues that came up with payments, server clean up duties that were missed before closing (the pictures my boss took of what was missed were embarrassing), and we actually had some dine-and-ditchers in the last hour (I hope Cthulhu rises up from R’lyeh to give them vicious wedgies every day til they die… I freaking despise thieves)!

I am going in early today because I want to get some tips and pointers about how to improve (or gain) manager skills. My biggest trouble is I know I have a very different work-ethic than my 15-20 years younger front of house staff. I remember going to work to work: get crap done so you can move on with your day. They have smartphones and act like they’ll die if they’re away from them more than 5 minutes (we didn’t have that problem; texting was a pain on the Nokia “brick” phone; no smartphones for years).

My whole thing is “get crap done, then you can chill a bit.” I gave up tutoring kids largely because I was sick of hand-holding the kids and having to tell them to answer ALL the questions instead of turning it in and hoping I don’t notice all the blanks, do your corrections, get back on task, rewrite your answer because I can’t read that, etc. They know what needs to be done, they just don’t want to do it.

I find it ironic that I am having the same problem with tax-paying teens and adults. I swear, if I mention “hey, that table needs cleaning,” the response is usually lack-luster with annoyed teenager vibes.

My old stamp of “doormat” must be showing again because I’m sure a few of them think I’m a joke. They know I want things clean and if I get frustrated enough with the mess, I’ll end up cleaning myself. I’m sure most of them count on it at this point. When it’s crazy busy and servers need things, I have no problem jumping in because they need it. When it’s quiet and they let things sit and wait a while? Not cool at all, but I didn’t have a system to combat the laziness. I did think of a few ideas, though, and the leniency is going to end today. I have to work overtime this week and I can’t afford to let myself get stressed to the point of exploding.

I’m sure I’m gonna get chewed out when I get to work because a lot of things went wrong; but I do want to improve so I’m gonna take it on the chin and learn to be a better manager. As in, learn how to actually “manage” rather than do it all myself.

I’m just really annoyed that I somehow let it get to this point because I had a hard time seeing myself as a manager without realizing it. I haven’t had a serving shift in weeks & I assume because of my availability, I’ll manage more and only be a server when absolutely necessary. I need to get the “manager” mindset down and learn from it because I’m stressing myself out & am a candidate for burnout.

I’ve always been the helper type, the teacher, the guide… not the “boss” type. This is gonna take a shift or my self-esteem’s gonna end up in the toilet worse than it already is now. I hope she likes some of my ideas for getting more out of my co-workers (and taking the load off myself for the chores so I can be the social manager versus the glorified busser I’ve been acting like the past couple of months).

It’s gonna be an interesting day, and I hope it’s sunshine and tree-sloth hugs this evening after my initial meeting.