I’ve always been the type of person who wanted to learn as much as possible. If I had a passing interest in something, I had to nab a book from the library, or look it up. If I had research papers, then thesis papers in college, I’d go all-in looking for as many books and resources as possible.

Books were my friends, my passion. I lived for the library and it’s where anyone would find me throughout the school years. When I began making my own money, and the local library didn’t have much I was interested in… I began buying books for myself instead of borrowing them.

Collecting books was my thing, and when I sold the falling-apart mobile home I lived in with my dad and got a smaller place, I basically organized everything around the bedroom/den that I converted INTO an actual library with office space.

But over the years, books had fallen to the wayside as depression and the need to find something more took over my life after my dad’s passing. I used to be able to read between 70-100 books a year, and in the past few I was lucky to read maybe a dozen all the way through. I was too focused on trying to keep myself financially above water. I didn’t see much of a point to my life, but for some reason, I kept buying books to fill the hole.

It occurred to me about 3 years ago that I bought material things to fill the hole of loneliness that people in my life hadn’t been able to fill because they were in their own worlds or uninterested or forgot I was there. Books were an escape and a lifeline as well as a hoarded resource.

My passion for books had hit a negative end. I had so many, but was barely reading any of them, and that didn’t sit well with me. I had lost my passion for a time because while I wanted to read and learn, I couldn’t find a way to actually apply any knowledge I’d gained from them. I was just a walking encyclopedia of odd facts that nobody cared about but me.

I had no one to share with, and it took some of that passion away. I still don’t, technically, but I have other reasons to read… I’m actively pursuing new things in my life and will need all the knowledge I can get my hands on.

I have re-arranged my reading goals for the rest of the year to try for 1-2 books a week, namely books on self-improvement (mental and physical), dietary changes, exercise and training guides, and writing guides. All these books will be helpful in my marathon training and ensuring I do it as healthily as possible while reviewing them to let readers know how helpful (or not) or interesting (or not) that they can be.

I love that my new passion for running and dedication to healthier living is helping resurrect my lifelong one for learning. I had no real direction for too many years, and though I need to do SO much more for my own good, it’s a helluva start. I can feel the momentum and desire to learn more building, which means more reading, which means more focus, which means more energy and eagerness to continue…

It’s going to be a beautiful cycle, but one spiraling slowly upward if I allow myself to continue, and that will expand my passions to hopefully include things that will include people that I can bring into my life. What was once so solitary may not be for very long, and that’s a wonderful thing.